24 sounds old. Is it old? I keep trying to figure that out.

In some ways, it feels like I am nearly a quarter way through my life. A quarter sure does sound like a lot...

In other ways, I feel like I've just started my existence. I just finished school. I just started a full-time job. Surely those are things that come about early relative to the grand scheme of life? If school is something that prepares you for life, then the majority of my life should have yet to come.

It doesn't feel this way. It feels like time slips through my fingers like sand in the desert. The sand below my feet is what I have already been through, and the sand remaining in my hand is the time I have left.

What then? What can be done? Not much. 24 is here. 24 is where I am right now. I still feel like I'm 16, but the responsibilities of life loom nonetheless.

I feel like I told myself by 24 I'd have it all sorted out. I'd have a gameplan for the next 50 years. I'd have a startup or be working on a project that's changing the world. I would have someone in my life I love no matter the circumstance or time of day. I'd feel present in every moment and know my next decision is the right one. I don't have any of this. Nor do I think it's coming soon. So what needs to change? What do I need to do differently to stir the pot and break the cycle?

Sometimes journalling like this can bring out certain realisations, so here I am.

24 comes with silver linings.

I'm more self aware than I ever have been. I can really just sit at a coffee shop out in the sun and enjoy the presence of my own thoughts. I don't think I was able to do that before; take a deep breath and just enjoy the present. Although I have a long way to go, this feels good.
I have more realisations about the importance of time, and this ends in me just doing more of the things I actually want to do. Sometimes, I'm socially burnt and I just want to sit inside and code. Sometimes, I want to do a hot yoga class at 8am, so I just do it. These days I just feel like the small actions I take are just even more consequential to my wellbeing and long term goals. And now I know how to take those steps more frequently in the right direction.
I have a solid group of friends that aren't going anywhere. At this point in my life there are people I just know I'll be friends with for the rest of my days. And that makes me enormously happy. I also have enough faith in myself and the world to keep meeting new people that teach me new things and show me their lives. I realise that I innately do find the process of getting to know someone helpful in contributing to my own levels of happinness.

I just want to keep living a fulfilling, connected, grounded and yet thrilling existence. I don't want to get sucked away by a city like New York, but I do want to know what it feels like to be a "New Yorker". I want to continue travelling and experiencing new things at the same rate I had at Minerva. I want to stay in-shape. I want to learn how to prioritise my hobbies vs. family (and friends) vs. work.

I hope I can learn in twenty four.

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